Sheplives

Last Summary Update: 11-08-2026

Never Admit To Anything
Airdate: Friday - December 7, 1962

WOR Show
Original Airing

audio

(NOTE ABOUT TIME REFERENCES: Since there are many different copies of shows out there from different sources, all time references are from the beginning of one single recorded copy, since various copies, depending on when the recordee started recording, had news at the beginning or shortened themes. The times would vary from copy to copy.)

First Spoken Line After Theme Ends

Yes, you never know when it's going to come sneaking up on you. . .

Show Description

Shep tells an Army Story. "Army Rock Lane"

[ Courtesy: Gary Hines - - ]   
  Never Admit to Anything, Old Brain, primal, Army-Never admit louseups, Capt. Victor Campbell-VMI grad, Painted rock lines along ditches.      
  

[ Courtesy: GROK Summary - - ]   
  This is a classic free-form Jean Shepherd radio piece: a rambling, observational monologue that starts with everyday New York life, drifts through Christmas consumerism and human nature, then settles into a long, detailed army anecdote that delivers the title's point.

### Opening and Christmas / Subway Observations
Shepherd describes riding the B train and reading the ads. He notes the flood of Christmas-themed promotions (e.g., a church offering "15 minutes of peace" as a gift) and especially likes one selling subway tokens as presents. He riffs on a cartoon about a kid staring at an "explode the world" globe toy, then criticizes the toy industry - especially FAO Schwarz - for selling ever more elaborate, militarized playthings (Marine Raider bazooka, Air Force Colonel suits, Navy Vice Admiral uniforms, "Army Chicken Colonel" suits, even a "Daddy suit" with tired-face mask, bourbon-flavored vitamin pills, and a copy of *Time*).

### Digressions on Sentimentality, Food, and the Brain
He touches on unabashed Christmas sentimentality (someone giving cab-ride gift certificates), the ubiquity of cheap Chinese takeout places, and a brief *Show* magazine ad. He then discusses the "old brain" (the primitive, animalistic part at the base of the skull) versus the cerebral cortex (the civilized, rational part). He argues that both constantly pull at humans; people rarely admit the darker, reactive side. He mentions a far-right magazine literally named *Kill*, Jonas Salk's comments on the permanent mixture of good and evil in humanity, and how war literature often reveals more about people than ordinary civilian life.

### The Central Story: Camp Crowder and "Never Admit to Anything"
The bulk of the piece is a detailed reminiscence of Shepherd's time at Camp Crowder (Missouri Ozarks foothills) during World War II. The camp sat on rocky red clay that didn't absorb water, producing constant mud and difficult digging. Company K's captain was Victor Al Campbell, a VMI graduate from an old Southern family - described as a classic "would-be" officer who gave romantic speeches about Gettysburg and Antietam that fell flat with the enlisted men.

Campbell decided the company area's deep drainage ditches should be lined with smooth rocks to make them "beautiful." After supper every night for roughly two weeks, the men (in fatigues, under lights) excavated rocks from the bivouac area and carefully fitted them into the ditches while other soldiers in Class A uniforms walked by and mocked them. The project created a surprising sense of pride among the troops.

When Lieutenant General Omstead (Signal Corps) arrived for a formal inspection and saw the rock-lined ditches, he demanded to know who was responsible. Campbell stood at attention. The next night the men began the reverse job: removing every rock, loading them into wheelbarrows and trucks, and hauling them back to the bivouac area. This took six solid nights. Campbell continued barking at them that "goofing off" wouldn't help and that they had to finish what "their fault" had started.      
  

WOR ID

Time	Station ID (All times approximate)
12:52	As long as we're going to talk about chop sewey joints, this is WOR AM and FM New York, and rightfully enough, we have a thingy there

Commercials (All times approximate)

Time	Sponsor	Notes
13:00	Maladies Cheese Blintzes and Potato Pancakes
14:02	Show Magazine

Music (All times approximate)

Time	Music Title	Notes
02:26; 03:04; 07:56 +	Shiek of Araby (1)

Engineers, Staff, and Guests in Booth

Time	Engineer, Staff or Guest
02:21	Ed Beaty
28:18	Walt McDonough

Instruments and Special Effects Played During the Show

Instruments Played

None

Related Plots / Story Lines and Other References Used

Time	Category	Date	Title	Comments
22:17	Army		Army
27:03	Army		Company K
27:12	Army		Camp Crowder

Airdate History ' - Original' date is earliest known broadcast)

This Show

		Date	Title
		December 7, 1962	Never Admit To Anything	Original Airing

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"Imagine 4,000 years passing, and you're no longer a memory - Does it seem possible to you?
You better believe it's possible, not only possible but certainty." - Jean Shepherd - October 7, 1971